Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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