I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
