is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
do herpes really smell.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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