dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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