I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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