i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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