Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
