im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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