At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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