So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
