I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
sex in a hospital.. check
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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