her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
