Swine flu. Run for my life!
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
