so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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