the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
