I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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