how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
