Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
