You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
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