Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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