You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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