i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
