i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
kristin has been a bad kristin
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
