I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
