I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
