i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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