Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
