Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
