girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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