My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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