I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
