She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
