i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
