When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
