when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
