Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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