You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
