I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
