Apparently you make a good broom.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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