I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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