Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Randomize
