so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
