I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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