Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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