It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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