I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
