Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
