I think i peed on brittanys purse
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
