Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
