Swine flu is the new snow day.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I still have a little drunk in my system
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
